I actually don’t even remember my Mum going out to get the results of the pregnancy test.
I don’t remember taking a pregnancy test. But I must have. Why? Because my Mum told me she was going to go out to get the results.
Somehow her doing this made it feel like I was waiting for some sort of terrible calling from above, like I was a terrible person, at least that is what my Mum made me feel like it was. To me I was excited to learn what I already knew. Every part of my being told me I was pregnant.
My best friend came over as I waited for my Mum to come back. We really didn’t talk too much about it, the possible situation, because she had been pregnant before marriage too. So I felt a kinship with her and believed she would support me no matter what.
Then, there was my Mum getting out of the car.
I remember my best friend and I watching my Mum walk up the steps to the house. I couldn’t tell from her appearance what the answer was. I do remember looking at my best friend, with a smile, just before my Mum walked in the door.
My smile was hope that I was right. That I was pregnant with my son.
My Mum came over to me and said it was positive. Tears broke out from all of us, my Mum, my best friend and me. We hugged each other. Lots of tears, oh so happy with my tears of joy. I didn’t know their tears were because they were upset.
I was going to have a baby! I was thrilled.
My Mum pulled away from me and said she was so “sorry”. “Sorry about what?” I asked. She just turned away. I had a hard time understanding my Mum’s reaction to it. It was almost like I was going to die or something along those lines. I just didn’t understand what she was sorry about, it didn’t make sense to me.
How could she be sorry I was having a baby, her grand child?
Once I pulled away from the ‘crying circle’ I went into my room. I was so happy that what I knew was happening was true. I was having a baby. I lay on my bed and rubbed my tummy. I was excited, I was going to have a baby. I remember looking down at my tummy as I rubbed it and saying, I love you.
I knew, I don’t know how, but I knew it was going to be a boy, and I knew I wanted to call him Jamie.
My Mum walked into my room with a concerned look on her face. I asked her what was wrong, this was good news. She came and sat beside me on the bed, brushed my hair from my face, and said.
“Now we have to tell your Father”.….
