On July 24, 1992 I was so excited to see the letter from Dr XX, but I was also terrified to open it.
The letter from Dr XX, dated July 19th, told me my son’s name, that he knows he was adopted and Dr XX talked to the adoptive mother who would talk to my birth son and tell him I wanted contact. He also told me that my son had a child, I was a grandmother eeeek! Wowwwww!
It took me quite a while to write back (2 days). I was terrified that once Jamie was told he would turn his back on me. So not only would I lose him once again, but I would also lose my grandchild.
In my journal I wrote:
“So now, July 311, 1992, I feel like my life has been dramatically changed and will never be the same (and that’s positive)). I feel like I’m so close to finally reaching my son and yet so far away. I am so happy yet so afraid that he will turn his back on me. He’s not just a ‘son’, he is also a father.…”
At that time I had calls and hang-ups. I knew it could be my ex, but I wondered if it might be Jamie wanting to hear my voice. I was always hoping it was Jamie.
In my journal it continues:
“He may be far enough along that being someone’s birthson doesn’t matter anymore — or — because he has a son it could matter even more. I pray that somewhere in his heart he know that I love him, always have & always will and that he is willing to give us a change to try and build a relationship.
My son is alive. He is 22 years old, I know is adoptive name, he has a son and I know his birth date. This is more information than I even received in all of the 22 years I spent looking for him.”
While all this is going one — all so emotional and such a joy to me, yet I being so afraid, I called my family to tell them. My father and sister were happy for me but neither kept contact to see what was happening or if I heard back. I have to tell you, but that is another book.
