There was a lot of silence after meeting Jamie, a lot of tears. But I was happy his GF was in touch with me. She gave me hope.
August 27th
Jamie, and his girlfriend invited me to stay with them, and their son, at her father’s house for the weekend while her father was away. I was thrilled, to say the least. However, the next morning I got a call from her.
From my journal — August 28, 1992
Jamie’s girlfriend “called this morning to say that he didn’t want me to stay the weekend because I would be in my glory. That I would have the upper hand. That he feels I need to be punished for what I did.”
I wrote, in my journal, that he doesn’t understand that I have been punished for 22 years already and every minute I have been away from him has hurt me. He doesn’t understand what kind of life I have had without him.
6:00 p.m.
“Jamie called and asked me if I wanted to come over to the “GF” Dad’s house and stay the night, but they have plans at 6 the next night” . Yes he has given himself an out but I am invited again and excited to spend time with him and all of them!
11:00 p.m.
“I am now snuggled up in a nice warm bed at the “GF” Dad’s house writing in my journal. Tonight was interesting, different, but good. “T” (Jamie’s son) is such a cutie with my Mum’s eyes. He has a wonderful smile and looks like Jamie.”
In the journal I talk about us having dinner shortly after I arrived and how Jamie and I had trouble eating. Imagine, sitting at a table eating with my son!
Taking care of dinner dishes gave Jamie and I a few moments alone. We didn’t really speak, it was more of a glance here and there while his GF was off taking care of “T”. I do remember her coming into the kitchen when we were loading the dishwasher and Jamie and my hands brushed each other, we glanced at each other, and the GF dd not like it for some reason. I knew something had switched there, didn’t know what.
After dinner we went into the living room and the “GF” showed me pictures of Jamie, grand baby and her. They were actually hard to see which I did not expect. So many things I had missed. It made me question some things…
They have a life, they have a life without me, what right do I have to interfere. What right do I have to be a part of their lives. I am a stranger and both Jamie and his GF have told me that.
More From My Journal
“Jamie wasn’t feeling well so they went to bed early. He did stop and say to me “I’m glad you are here” and I said “I’m glad I’m here too”. Tomorrow we will have time alone to talk as the GF said she would go out so we could.”
Hard to read, write, and remember…
More to come…
