August 29, 1992
From my journal “It’s about 7 a.m. and I can hear Jamie’s GF and my grandson in the kitchen. I’m not sure if Jamie is awake. I will give them a bit of time before I do downstairs.”
Reading my journal of that day I can remember like it was yesterday and how hard it was.
When I went down to the kitchen that morning it was tense. I didn’t know why, but I could feel it.
From my journal
The GF said she would go out to give us time to talk. Jamie was asking her if she really needed to go, saying things to try and make her stay. Gave me every indication he did now want to talk to me alone. It seemed everyone was upset. I got very upset. Jamie left the kitchen.
The GF asked me what was wrong and I said that I thought it would be best if I leave. She later came and said Jamie was upset and didn’t care if I left. She said that Jamie thought I was saying I was going home and I told her no. I just didn’t want to upset him or her. She went to talk to Jamie.
So I stayed in hopes things might change. Jamie came down and cooked something to eat in the kitchen. I sat in the living room.
A bit later the GF and grandson left to go to the mall so we could have time to talk. We were all in the hall to see them off. We then went into the living room.
This I can remember like a movie in my mind. Sitting in the living room, just Jamie and I. He was on the couch and I was in the chair. He told me that he was not the one who said he didn’t want to be alone with me. He said he felt the exact opposite. And then…
Jamie got up, came over to me and said “I’m glad you are here”. I got up and he gave me a hug. I was in heaven!!!
He was tired and hungry to I told him to go grab what he had made to eat and then we would talk.
A short time later I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said ok. So we went back to the living room. He sat down on the couch and I sat on the floor close to him. (Oh I wish my mind could print the picture I can see).
I asked him if there was anything he didn’t want to hear and he said no. So I started to tell him the story.…
I briefed everything because I knew were didn’t have much time. The GF said they would be gone for about 2 hours. So many years to compress in 2 hours.
I started by telling him when he was conceived and went on from there. I cried off and on, did everything I could not to lose it. I told him he was “never an unwanted child, that I never wanted to give him up”. I told him I had been searching for him since birth and that “my life ended when I lost you and didn’t start again until you said you wanted to meet me”.
Before I could ask him how he felt about what I was telling him the GF came back. It had been less than an hour. She was not happy. We both stood up. He went off after her and that was the end of our conversation and the beginning of many problems.
More to come..
