My Father was big in his industry, an executive, very well known. The people he worked with, and knew him in his position, thought he was a kind and caring man.
My Father was not a kind man to me, he, in fact, brutalized me my entire life.
It seemed he hated me from birth. I remember being hit, thrown and more from the time I was in a crib. I never understood why he hated me so much. How could a father hate his child. I was very afraid of him. I was beyond afraid of what he would do when he heard I was pregnant.
My Mum came into my bedroom and said she told my Father I was pregnant.
To realize that he had been told I was pregnant scared me to death. I didn’t know what he would do to me but I knew it would not be good. I expected him to punish me in such violent way that I was not sure if I, or my son, wouldn’t survive.
In my bedroom I cowered under the covers in fear.
I was so afraid of him coming in to talk to me, or yell at me, or even beat me. I was so afraid of what he would do to me. I tried to be strong, but was so afraid for my child. This man, my Father, was brutal to me my entire life, and lord what on earth would he do to me now.
There was a knock at the door and my Father opened it, slightly, asking if he could come in. As scared as I was, what could I say?
I was lying in my bed and turned away from the door as he walked in. I was so afraid of what his reaction would be. I heard him walk in and come around beside me. He asked if he could sit down beside me. I moved further away from that side of the bed. He said he just wanted to talk to me, if I would let him.
I said ok and he sat down on the bed beside me. I was shaking with fear of what he would do to me.
My Father, the man that had beaten me through my entire life. The man that seemed to hate me from the day I was born. The man who would without hesitation would punch me or throw me into a wall, or worse, for no reason at all.
I was so scared.
My Father sat down beside me. He reached over to touch me as I pulled away. He softly said…
“I am here for you and we will take care of you and your child. I love you.”
The first thing, and only thought, that went through my mind was ‘who is this person’.
