I received a comment on Facebook asking “Why was he taken”

Good question. I actually did a post asking ‘Why’, which goes into the ‘Why’ differ­ent­ly. View it Here.

I do have theories. Here are some of them.

1. I Was Under Age. Perhaps my parents felt I could not take care of a baby on my own. However that doesn’t explain why they wouldn’t let me stay with them just long enough for me to get back on my feet. I did have a job to go back to so it wasn’t a financial issue for my parents because I would be able to support us.

2. My Father Was Physi­cal­ly Abusive. For as long as I can remember my Father assaulted both my Mother and I. Perhaps my Mother was worried having a crying baby in the house would make the abuse even worse, and possibly direct it at my son. However, when I was pregnant my Father told me that he would take care of me and the baby, so maybe it was my Mother’s fear of her taking the beatings and not me and my son. Perhaps my Mother made the decision to have my son adopted and told my Father that was what was going to happen.

3. My Mother Could Be Sick. There was no indica­tion at the time that my Mother was sick. A year or so after my son was given away I was at univer­si­ty in another city and my Mother called to say she had breast cancer. It was inoper­a­ble. Perhaps she knew at the time I was pregnant that she was sick but hadn’t been diagnosed, or had been but did not want to say anything at that time.

4. The Birth Father and His Parents. After the families met to discuss what to do about me being pregnant the Birth Father’s Dad trans­ferred all of the Birth Father’s posses­sions, car, motor­cy­cle, etc., into his name so I could not lay claim to them. The Birth Father’s parents thought I got pregnant for his money. Perhaps they supported (finan­cial­ly and otherwise?) giving the baby up for adoption so the Birth Father would not have to pay support for the child.

5. They Were Paid. I have no firm proof that they were paid by the adoptive parents but shortly after my son was given away they moved from a house in the suburbs to a brand new townhouse in the city. They also bought all new furniture, rugs, etc. Perhaps the lure of money was too much to ignore.

What I do know.

1. The doctor who delivered my son took over the practice from my childhood doctor. My childhood doctor was friends with the doctor who delivered my son, with my parents, and with the adoptive parents.

2. My Immediate Family Didn’t Help Me. My immediate family were told that it was my choice to give my son up. My Mother asked that they do not speak to me about it because it only upsets me. So not one of them offered to help me keep him. My Mother told me that she asked the family if anyone would help and she said they all said they couldn’t. I did not find out about this until years later, and it was a shock to everyone, especial­ly me.

3. My Mother Was Sick. When she called to say she had breast cancer I did every­thing I could to write my exams early so I could go home and take care of her. Many people have asked, and I am sure some of you reading this will ask, how could I go home and take care of her after what she did to me. The short answer is I knew my Father would not care for her, I was the only one she could count on. Yes, I believe she trusted I loved her enough to help her even after what she did. She was right. But it was emotion­al­ly very hard on me.

There are so many possi­bil­i­ties of “why my son was taken”. No matter how many times I asked my parents “why” they never answered.

So, in my opinion, the “why” went to the grave with my Mother, who died when I was 23, and I will never really know.