Why I Don’t Talk About Birth Fathers

Of course the main reason is because I am a birth mother, so it’s harder to relate to the birth fathers perspective.

But it is more than that.

My own experi­ence with my son’s birth father was, well, not good. His family concluded that I was just out for their money so they made sure the birth father’s car, motor­cy­cle, anything he owned, was no longer in his name so I couldn’t go after it/them — the money.

I had no interest whatso­ev­er in his possessions/his money.

I only cared about the fact that we were having a child, and I so wanted to have this child and build a family, and I, and my family tried.

The birth father did not care. He bolted.

During the months I was pregnant he was not around, or at least did not come to see me. He never called. He never came to see me. He did visit the guy next door, and all he had to do was to walk across the lawn, and that was all it was, to see me, or see how we were doing. He never did.

The birth father was not there when our son was born.

He did not know when I was in labor, he did not know when our son was born, he did not care.

Fast Forward.

Years after I met my birth son he said he wanted to connect with his birth father. I suggested I contact him first to make sure he was open to it.  I did. call him. The birth father’s response was:

I thought you got rid of him.

I could not breath, nor speak, when I heard him say that. All he said to me was he did not want any contact with our son. He was married, had children, and did not want to break his family up. He even told his wife and she was totally against him having any contact with his son.

Nice — not.

It was hard for me to tell my birth son that his birth father didn’t want anything to do with him, but I had to. My son, was upset and blocked the idea of connect­ing with him. But after a bit of time he did contact him. They spoke, my son asked for at least medical history and the birth father said he didn’t have anything to give him. So.…..

That was the end of any connec­tion from my birth son with his birth father, as far as I know.

I realize a birth father does not have the same physical or emotional connec­tion as a birth mother. They did not carry the child, and in many cases they didn’t even stick around to be there. Some did not even know there was a child.

My personal experi­ence forms a large part of why don’t I talk about birth fathers.

In my case the birth father didn’t care.  He cared more about himself and his own situation. It hurt me and his birth child more than they would ever know (and appar­ent­ly care).

That’s not to say all birth fathers are like that, I just don’t have any positive experi­ence with one whose example I could offer in a positive light from their perspec­tive. Possibly there’s a birth father reading this. Perhaps they would like to share their story…

Jan