I had a revelation last night in my dreams that not only embarrasses me but makes me feel incredibly stupid.
I made the last post just before I went to bed last night and woke up around 3:00 with this vision and thought ‘what was my first clue’. I was dreaming of the day I went into labour and realized that there was no baby furniture — no baby anything. I mean how could I have even thought I was bringing my baby home when there were no baby things in the house. How could I think that my parents were ok with me bringing my baby home when there were no baby things in the house. Why did I not see that, or question that. How stupid could I be!!
How stupid could I have been.
When I told my sister about this today she said “The stress of the experience at the time likely had your attention extremely focused. Don’t beat yourself up over being 17 with too much stress and not enough support.”
UPDATE
I emailed a friend about this who was part of my life back then and she said:
“I thought his family was taking care of the baby things or that’s what I thought they told you. Were they not planning to get an apartment for you when the baby was born?”
I have no recollection of that either. So I guess it comes down to what she, my sister and others have said, which is:
“you were under so much stress at 17 and no family members to lean on or back you up.”
More to come…
