I am in the unique situation of having a birthson, plus a husband that was adopted (birth father — adoptive mother).
I don’t know much about my son being told he was adopted. My memory is that my birth son said he was young when he was told and said something like “ok, can I go out and play now”. Of course it hurt to hear that.
My husband has a very different story.
His birth mother died giving birth to him. He was taken to another province shortly after that, away from her family. His father would not allow connection.
His father (his birth father), remarried and demanded that he not be told of his birth mother.
There was silence.
Two sisters born and him feeling that something with him was not quite right, but the silence continued. This silence went on until he was 40 years old. He was only told then because his adopted mother had an accident and she was afraid if she did not tell him then he would never know.
You can imagine his shock — how hard to deal with this news after such a long time.
For many years after that he did not do anything because, I think, of the fear of hurting his adoptive mother, and, in some ways, I think his own uncertainty because his birth mother was dead so really what family was there to reach out to.
Now, years later, for him to try and find his roots is very difficult.
His birth father is dead. His adoptive mother is aging and cannot give him information. His birth mother’s family appears to be all deceased. He searches but…
As a birth mother I so feel all of this. Of course for my birth son, but also for what my husband is dealing with. It is like a Ying/Yang. I have both in my life.
Please… please… do tell your child that they are adopted and give them the information they need to find their roots if they chose to look. At least they have the chance before it is to late.
