On September 27th I became a GG (Great Grand Mother)!
Was I there, no. But luckily I was in touch with my Grand Son who told me his significant other was in labor.
That night I didn’t sleep very much. I kept thinking about all I had loss.
The loss of my son, who was taken from me at birth.
The loss of experiencing the birth of my Grand Son.
On the morning of the 27th I woke up to notices that my GG daughter had been born.
I was elated. I was also incredibly sad.
They should have been my family, but they aren’t.
On the other side I am very lucky that as a birth mother I do have the connections so I know of my grand daughter’s birth.
So should I be happy? I am happy that I had some experience with the birth of this new lovely girl, a new generation.
But I am also incredibly sad.
I haven’t seen my birth son for at least 14 years.
I haven’t seen my birth Grand son since he was 18 months old.
In the depth of my soul I hope I will see my Great Grand Daughter before I die.
They are my family, I should be there experiencing all of their ups and downs, all of their joys and sorrows.
They are my family, but they aren’t.
I know, I am very lucky that I have contact with any of them. I know there are so many birth parents out there who don’t.
Yes there is happiness, and loss.
I cry with much joy, and so much sorrow.
Jan
