A bit of background… before I flew in to meet my birth son I went through all sorts of photos I had of family members. I wanted to show him pictures of his family, his birth family. I wanted him to be able to see himself in not only me but the family pictures I had.
As my birth son, and his girl friend, approached I was looking at these pictures. I was hoping that these would mean something to him, even if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me.
I know saying ‘even if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me’ may sound strange if you have been following the story, but everything I had read told me that I would be blamed even though he was taken and I did not willing give him up.
A quote from my journal entry August 24, 1992
“They said they had been in the bar for awhile. That they were watching for me to drive up and come in before they came to the table. I was just looking at my son — almost in ah — he asked me if I was disappointed and I said no, you are gorgeous!. I said I would have know him if I saw him on the street. That he has my eyes, my coloring but I could sure see his father in him.”
I go on in the journal to describe him in detail as if the whole memory may disappear. Yet even now I can remember everything like it was a minute ago.
A quote from my journal entry August 24, 1992
“I showed him the pictures I had brought and explained who everyone was. He asked about his heritage. I told him Scottish, English (with Spanish back there somewhere) and German.
I told him he could ask me anything. I asked him if he wanted to know what happened and he said no, not now.”
After a bit Jamie left the table and his girlfriend and I started to talk. She told me that everything was going ok but if I talked about what had happened he would get and up leave. I understood that to keep quiet. I was so afraid.
A quote from my journal entry August 24, 1992
“I showed Jamie the letter I got from the Ontario registry. I explained about the non-identifying information and that’s all I could get. I told him I had been looking for him since he was taken from me (I didn’t go into great detail here). I told him about the Vancouver reporter I had contacted and what he told me to do to try and find him. I told him about the ads I put in the paper (on his 21st birthday and at Christmas). I asked him if he saw them and he said no. I told him about giving up on trying to find him about a year ago and how a friend told me to try again and send the letter to Dr. XX that finally connected us. ( I explained what was written in the letter).
Jamie said he would never have looked for me”
I can still feel the pain when he said he would never have looked for me. It made me realize that if the last letter I had sent to Dr. XX had not worked, had not made Dr. XX finally realize his part in all of what had happened, and made Dr. XX make the effort to make it right I may never have found Jamie. It made me realize that all of the efforts outside of contacting the Dr. would have been for naught. It hurt and scared me all at the same time.
More to come. That night is not over yet…
