Well I have to admit I am shocked that I made it to this birthday.
I am now 62 years old. WOW. I never thought I would make it to this age. I always thought I would die at the same age as my mother. I have now lived longer than her.
But that is not what I wanted to talk about today.
I wanted to talk about the loss I feel.
From a very young age I knew I wanted to have kids. I always imagined I would have my children and their children around me by the time I reached this age.
I don’t.
My son was taken away from me hours after he was born.
I tried and tried to get him back. I begged, pleaded, did everything to get him back.
My parents turned on me. My parents would not help me. The doctor that delivered him would not help me and kicked me out of his office and said he would not be my doctor anymore.
All so long ago, still so difficult.
I actually do have contact with his son, my grandson, mostly through social media. But I am not family. I am not my son’s mother, I am not his son’s grandmother. I am only related by DNA in their eyes.
So it is my birthday, and I so long for them to be in contact. I so long for them to be here with me. I so wish someone had helped me all those years ago so it would be all so different now.
The loss breaks my heart…
