The birth farther was gone, well at least out of my life, though many times I could actually see him out our kitchen window when he road up on his bike at the neighbours home. I do have to say that was difficult. Ok, so he didn’t want to be a parent at that point, but how could he be so close to me (right next door) and never even knock on the door and see how I was doing. He never did. He never saw my belly grow or feel our son move. Nothing.
Let’s not talk about ‘him’ right now, we will later.
My parents were not much better. There were many issues. My father was extremely abusive. My mother was trying to keep her life together (at least I understand that now). Life at home was not good.
Once I started to show they told me to stay in the house, or if I went outside I was told I had to wear something lose or make sure it was dark so no one would see. The concern was ‘what would the neighbours think’. Most of the time there were just no one home and I was alone.
One friend helped me. This friend was my first boyfriend who ‘screwed around’ on me and broke my heart. Yes, believe it or not that is true. In truth he was the only one that spent time with me when I was pregnant. He did feel my son move, he did see my son kick my tummy and knock my cup off my tummy. He was a rock for me when the birth father and my parents were not. I forgave him for screwing around on me and I will always thank him for being there for me.
More to come… much more…
