April 15th is my birth son’s birthday.
The 15th of April has always been a very important day to me. I knew, long before he was born, that he would be born on this date. I don’t know why or how, I just knew.
Let’s talk about the ‘bitter’ part first:
It’s very difficult for a birth mother to deal with the loss of a child. Each day is difficult but each birth date is more difficult and more of a reminder of the loss. The loss of the child (my son), but there are so many losses. From the first smile, to the first tooth, to walking, to school, to … so much is lost. Each and every day, no matter how many years go by, is a loss of everything that you could have shared, good and bad.
The ‘sweet’ part:
I am lucky that my birth son and I are in contact, so I can wish him a happy birthday. I can send him a card, I can call him..No I can’t see him in person, we live far apart. I wish that was not the case. But — but — I am lucky that we are in contact so I can wish him a Happy Birthday and I know he will receive it.
The most ‘bitter/sweet’ part:
I so wish I had him with me to see him grow up. To see his first smile, to deal with his first tooth, to watch him walk for the first time. To be there when he needed a hug. To be there to give him advice, even if he didn’t want it. To see him go to school for the first time, to watch him play hockey, to take care of him when he was sick.. Just to be there through his life. I have missed being in his life.
To my birth son ‘Jamie’, Happy Birthday my son. I love you with all my heart and will forever and beyond.
