When I lost Jamie I thought I would die. In truth I wanted to, and when I think back on everything that happened, after he was taken from me, I am surprised I didn’t.
When I met him, on August 23, 1992, I was given my life back.
I was alive again because I finally — finally — found him. I finally — finally met him!
The night I went to meet him I remember driving to the restaurant and being so afraid. What if he didn’t like me. What if he just wanted to curse me and tell me never to contact him again. There were a lot of “what if’s”.
About half way to the restaurant the heavens opened up and rained poured down like I had never seen before except on a trip to Florida. The rain was so bad I had to pull over because I couldn’t see to drive. That time lag made me so anxious because I was afraid I would be late and he would think I wasn’t going to show up. High stress for sure! Thankfully I was able to drive again after a few minutes.
A quote from my journal entry August 24, 1992
I arrived at the Keg about 5:35. I asked for the table in my son’s adoptive name. I was seated but he wasn’t there. Of course my first thought was that he had changed his mind and wasn’t going to show up. Waiting was awful.
About 5 minutes later I saw a couple walking along and I looked up at the man and my reaction was to put my head down… I couldn’t believe what I saw. I would have known him anywhere.
They came to the table and there he was. He looks like me.. I could see his birth father as well. Oh that smile. He has my eyes. He’s very good looking.
I asked him if I could give him a hug and he said “not now, maybe later”.
** This is not in my journal but as I write this I remember it like it was a minute ago. I can still feel my heart pounding when I saw him. I can still feel my heart sinking when he didn’t want to hug me.
More to come…
