After my son was born I was taken to a ‘recovery room’. I don’t remember much after seeing he was taken after birth. I don’t remember being taken to this room.
In this ‘recovery room’ I do remember my Mum being there after waking up — not right away, it was many times later. I remember asking her where Jamie was. I don’t remember her saying anything to me. I don’t even remember the look on her face. I do remember the total emptiness I felt and not understanding what was going on.
The next memory I have is being in private hospital room. I can remember waking up and hearing babies crying not far from my room. I thought it must be Jamie. I remember wondering why I was alone, why Jamie was not with me. I wanted to go to him.
At some point I do remember a nurse coming in and I said I wanted to see my son. The nurse mumbled something and went off. I am not sure who it was that came in, or what authority they had, all I remember is asking for my son. This I remember vividly — they said he was no longer in the hospital. I do remember it felt like the air was gone, I couldn’t breathe.. I am not sure I said anything but I do know that in every ounce of by being I cried out for my son.
My night after this was awful. There was no one. No parents, no birth father, no child. I could hear the babies crying outside of my room. For every baby that cried I cried.
He was given away when he was 1 day old and not a soul would tell me anything about it or why it happened.
I lost my son, my heart and so much of my soul.
