Maybe the Doctor Can Help Me

During my dreams last night I realized how important it is to explain what happened with the doctor.  Not just to tell you my story, but also, just maybe, something I say will trigger a memory for you if I explain.

A few weeks after Jamie was born I went to see the doctor who delivered him.  It was the follow-up check after Jamie’s birth. I remember I was examined and he told me I was healing ‘nicely’.

After the exam we met back to his outer office and I told him my story — that my parents must have arranged for my son to be adopted, they had him taken right after birth.  What I believed was that my son and I would stay with my parents until I could get back on my feet and then Jamie and I would leave.  I told him that they gave him away to someone else 24 hours after birth right from the hospital.  I begged him to help me get my son back.

The Doctor said ” I’m sorry but I can no longer treat you”.

I said “What do you mean you can no longer treat me.  You have to help me get my son back.  Please help me get my son back.”

He said “I can no longer treat you — please leave”.

I was in hysterics.  I continued to beg him to help and he just kept saying he could not longer treat me and pushed me out of his office.

I remember being in the reception area and crying my eyes out and all the people sitting and waiting to see him staring at me.  I remember his recep­tion­ist asking me if I was ok and me saying  “No, I need ‘him’ to help me get my son back.”

I remember her walking me to the door, taking me outside and then walking back in and closing the door in my face.

As I stood outside I did not know what to do, where to go, how to get help. I just stood there and cried for what seemed like hours.

I eventu­al­ly started to walk away. My mind was swirling with disbelief that the one person, my doctor, who I thought was someone I could trust and would help me, How could he turn me away like that. Much later I found out why he did turned on me. To my horror he was part of the plan to give my son away.

Everyone in my life who I trusted was gone.  Everyone in my life who I believed loved me and would help me was not there.  There was not a soul, at this point to help me. I had no idea where to go as I walked away. To this day I do not know where I went, maybe to a friends? All I know is I disap­peared because going to my parents home was not an option.