I have had many ‘life losses” in my life.
I think, in all truth, that the brutality of my father against me was my first ‘life loss’ the loss of innocence. The brutality started before I could speak. It lasted for more years than I care to remember, really broke up our family, and I do believe killed my mother even though she died from late stage breast cancer. I took care of my Mum for almost 3 years and when she died, I ran.
I ran to a different part of the country.
I had many more “life losses”. Brutal marriage that not only killed a trusting part inside of me, but he also killed my pets.
I left, ran and hid.
In all my ‘life losses’ I have made a run for it. I have flown, driven, whatever it took to get away.
Until now.
My 18 year old cat KC died on January 5, 2012 after being ill for several months. Without going into all the details I will just say that we tried to take care of her at home, but she didn’t survive.
This loss has brought up every other loss I have had in my life.
Why?
Well I realized that this is the first ‘life loss’ that I have not run away from. This is the first ‘life loss’ that I have had to stay in the same place and deal with — deal with all the issues… it hurts me to my core.
So how do we deal with ‘life losses’.
Wish I had the answer. But if there is anything I have realized from loosing KC and not being able to run away is that maybe if I had not run away from my first ‘life loss’ I would be able to deal with this better.
Having my son taken away from me when he was born was the hardest emotional, and physical experience I have ever had. the hardest, and most emotional ‘life loss’. It is, and will always be, the major loss of my life.
It left a huge whole in my heart.
So if you are facing a ‘life loss’, as much as you want to run, try to stay put and deal with it. I know that is hard. Yes reach out for help, yes take medication if needed, but as I have learned, way too late, running doesn’t solve anything.
To all of you who have lost, who have suffered any ‘life loss’, my heart goes out to you.
Jan
