I hoped I would hear from him on Mother’s Day but there was only silence.
I haven’t talked about it much here but the relationship with my birth son changed last year. Our relationship changed when he made major life changes. At first he talked to me about what was going on, but then he went silent. Then silence continues.
On Mother’s Day it is very hard to hear that silence.
As much as I have talked to him about what happened, why I lost him, I don’t think it has really sunk in, or, perhaps he doesn’t believe it. Mind you he has said to many times that I shouldn’t say I am sorry. Perhaps it’s simply he has a full life and it does not include me.
Unfortunately that rings true to me.
I feel he does not understand how his silence is as difficult as it was when he was taken away from me when he was born. I didn’t even hear him cry. I had to beg the doctor to tell me if he was alive,
I feel he does not understand how hard it is too loose him again.
After meeting him 25 years ago and trying so hard to make our relationship work, and it did, off and on. But to now have it blanketed in silence I feel an overwhelming heartbreak.
This really isn’t his responsibility, he was the one hurt as a baby, I was the one hurt as a teen.
So all I can do is send my love out to my son through any means I can. I also send my love out to him in my dreams, in my thoughts, and from my heart.
I miss my birth son more than I can ever share. Especially on his birthday, and on Mother’s Day.
To those who are alone at this time I want you to do something that makes you feel good. Do something for YOU that celebrates you as a Mother. You are a Mother, and it is your day too.
I pray we all will have our birth children back in our lives.
